After a two-year break, I'm finally making my way back to Kitchen Konfidence. It's been a challenging time for me, but I'm returning feeling excited, nervous and hopeful.
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Over these past couple of years, I've really been struggling with my mental health. Challenges, both big and small, gradually piled up into what seemed like an insurmountable roadblock. Eventually, I couldn't meet the standards I had set for myself and started feeling like a failure. This self-assessed failure sent me into an isolating spiral of fear and shame.
Before I go any further, I just want to:
Warn you that I'm going to be very open about my mental health in this post, so if you don't want to hear about that, click here to skip to the blog-specific info, and
Thank everyone who has continued to support Kitchen Konfidence while I was away. Thank you so much for cooking my recipes, leaving comments and sharing your experiences. Your support means the world to me.
Ok, now back to my story.
Stuck in a haze of fear and shame, I found it nearly impossible to communicate how I was feeling with those around me, let alone ask for help. Each time I envisioned myself asking for help, a scenario played out in my head that led to even more fear and shame. It's really a tough cycle to break.
I was also struggling with perfectionism, a duplicitous trait that left me in a constant state of waiting. Waiting for the perfect time to post on Instagram, waiting for the perfect moment to have a conversation, waiting for the perfect triumphant return to Kitchen Konfidence. When I couldn't achieve that level of perfection, I just stopped trying.
As a result, most of my creative work ground to a halt. I no longer had the drive to write, photograph food, and share on Instagram and Facebook. Despite all of this, the one creative activity I still felt like doing was cooking. I still loved making meals for myself and Jorge, and sharing food with friends and family. Challenging myself with complicated recipes while also learning to cook very simple meals to get me through day-to-day life (I've really learned to appreciate some packaged products!). I've been cooking this whole time. Just not sharing.
I also found a lot of joy in spending time with my husband Jorge and our pugs, Federico and Nacho. Jorge has been my constant throughout all of this. He's been so patient, supportive, and understanding. And the pugs can always bring a smile to my face! Federico is such a little cuddle bug, and Nacho is a lovable derp who always makes me laugh.
My mental health began to improve when I made the decision to start therapy at the beginning of the year. It's been transformative to have someone that I can talk to each week without fear of judgment. This has done wonders to alleviate the fear and shame I was feeling, and has helped me open up to my loved ones. I'm feeling more creative, and I have started accomplishing things again in my life. It feels incredible!
So what does this all have to do with Kitchen Konfidence? I've decided to start sharing recipes again, but I'm going to be focusing more on mental health related content. Moving forward, my recipes will be categorized based on effort:
Low Effort - meals that can sustain you when time and energy are low
Medium Effort - recipes that are a bit more creative and involved
High Effort - challenging dishes that can provide stimulation and a sense of accomplishment
I've got a lot of recipes on Kitchen Konfidence that fall into the High and Medium Effort categories, so I'll be focusing on Low Effort for a while. This is definitely a change of pace from what you're used to seeing from me, but it reflects the way I've been cooking over the past 5 years: simpler meals for day-to-day life, with more elaborate dishes saved for parties or special occasions. And it's these easier meals that have really kept me going while I've been struggling with my mental health.
What can you expect moving forward? I plan on sharing at least one new recipe each week, ranging from Low to High Effort. These recipes might feature fresh, seasonal produce or they might be made with frozen, canned or prepared ingredients. I'll also be more open about my mental health and how things are progressing. I'm just at the beginning of my journey, and I've still got a long way to go! For now, I'll be sharing my content here, via email and Instagram.
Things might not be perfect, and that's ok. I'm a little uncertain about making these changes to Kitchen Konfidence, but I'm also excited. I've always loved cooking and sharing recipes with others, and it warms my heart when I hear from someone who enjoyed making one of my dishes. This connection is what keeps me moving forward! And now, I hope that my recipes can be a small highlight in your day, especially if you are working through your own mental health challenges.
Thanks again for your continued love and support!
Love,
Brandon
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I’m Brandon: food explorer, recipe curator, cocktail shaker, dessert lover. Kitchen Konfidence is how I document my time spent in my favorite space, the kitchen. Did you make a recipe? Tag @brandiego on Instagram so I can see the how it went!
Joelle says
Welcome back, nerd. <3
Brandon says
Haha thanks Joelle!
Mimi Rippee says
Phew! I’m so glad you’re back, and sorry you’ve had to deal with all of this. It’s not easy. Welcome home.
http://www.chefmimiblog.com
Brandon says
Thanks Mimi!
Amy O says
thank you for sharing and for being you. i look forward to what you share next!
Brandon says
Thanks Amy 🙂
Bri Grajkowski says
Welcome back! I’ve missed your posts and running into around San Diego! 🩷🩷🩷
Brandon says
Thanks so much Bri!
Jane Thompson says
Such a lovely surprise to hear from you again. Pleased you’re back and looking forward to your new recipes. They sound like just what I need in my own life too!
Brandon says
Thanks Jane!
Peggy Gartin says
As a “new friend,” I didn’t know about your blog! Now I’m ready to try your Low Effort recipes. (I’m a pretty good cook, but I’m tired!)
When I think of you, I think of how generous you are. We barely knew each other, but you gave me the cutest little French glass container of sea salt.
That kind of open heart is rare. We must protect you at all costs! Keep going. ❤️
Brandon says
Thanks so much Peggy! It's been a little hard for me to meet new people over the past couple of years, because I would get nervous around answering the question, "So what do you do?" I've had to answer, "food blogging, but I'm on a mental health break at the moment." I'm glad this didn't keep me from meeting you and Ken! It's been fun getting to know you two 🙂
Keith w says
Glad you recognized you needed to talk and took action
Brandon says
Thanks Keith!
Sippity Sup says
Good for you! I appreciate the honesty and I’m sure it will bring inspiration to many others. GREG
Brandon says
Thanks Greg!
Eileen Floresca-Anderson says
Welcome home, Brandon! I'm so glad you didn't up on this! It's hard when you suddenly feel like you don't know where to turn; you have your cheering squad in your husband and your fans, including me. So glad you're home! Looking forward to your "New & Improved" site!
Brandon says
Thanks so much Eileen!
Arthur says
Welcome back!
Arthur in the Garden!
Brandon says
Thanks Arthur!
Lori K says
It’s so great to see you again! I’m so happy that therapy was available to you. I love the idea of the different effort level levels in your recipes.
Brandon says
Thanks Lori!
Lisa says
Welcome back! So sorry you’re going through so much, it’s not easy.
Brandon says
Thanks Lisa!
Brigitte says
My son lost his battle with depression so I’m very happy for anyone who keeps fighting this demon. I embrace you and wish you well. And of course I’m excited to see your new recipes. ❤️
Brandon says
I'm so sorry about your son. Thank you for sharing.
JJ says
I like the idea of splitting recipes into those three categories. It will definitely help those who need it. Glad you are focusing on you and wishing you all of the best.
Brandon says
Thank you!!
Sean says
So happy to hear you're on your way to better days. You deserve the best. I'm grateful to be your friend and to have kept in touch after many years. You are truly a gem to me and I'm certain, so many others. You were always there for me as a beacon of understanding and wisdom to explain life early on when I thought I could just exchange pleasantries with people without rhyme or reason. You shined so much light on me and opened up my mind to do much growth. Your friendship and happiness means so much to me. Thank you for being vulnerable to the masses and sharing your struggles. I and so many are here to provide a sturdy shoulder for you to lean upon inn your time of need. You have done the same for me at least without even realizing it perhaps. You are very special to me my friend and I want you to know I'm always a phone call or text away to support you and be an ear to listen, despite how many times I might change my phone number. 😆
Brandon says
Thanks for the beautiful message Sean! I'm so happy that you're still in my life 🙂
Jenny Rubottom says
Glad you are back and so look forward to all of your creativity this year. Love you friend.
Brandon says
Thanks Jenny! Love you too 🙂
Fifi says
Please never be hard on yourself, Brandon. Just love you, like we do! Whatever you do, we are proud of you.